Family Style Meals

It seems that I have read a lot of posts on FB lately about food struggles with little kids, picky eaters, etc. I thought I'd share something that has worked well for our family that may work for others.
We serve our meals 'family style' which means every 'dish' (entree, side, etc.) is in a bowl/platter with a serving utensil. We then pass the food around the table. The kids are allowed to take 2 scoops if they would like, or to say 'no thank you' & pass it to the next person. THIS IS THE KEY! They have to be allowed to pass on a food, or you will miss the whole point of family style meals. Also, if they take a food, they are NOT required to eat it . What I have found with my kids is that 1) they are more likely to dish up a food, because it's fun to scoop & pour, 2) if they dish up a food, they are MORE likely to try it without any 'push' from me, 3) Even if they pass on a food one day, it is more likely that they will try it another day -- & if they don't, that's o.k. too! We don't all like the same foods. My boy is a huge green veggie eater, my littlest girl likes some green veggies, & my middle girl really doesn't like them at all. But forcing (or trying to) her to eat them isn't going to make her like them any better, & could cause her to resist trying other things out of sheer rebellion or power. 4) I really try to look at the quality of my kids' nutrition over a few days rather than 1 meal -- some days are better than others, but the week can look very balanced, 5) Family Style meals give children AUTONOMY, which is what they crave! It takes the pressure off & gives them a choice. 6) YOU, Mom, are still responsible for the foods that are on your table, just not what they choose to eat! If you don't want them to eat only chips for lunch (my kids do this sometimes -- & that can be a valuable learning time, too!), don't put them out as a choice! 7) Kids learn best by example. When they see you or their siblings dishing up & trying certain foods, it makes it more desirable. Many times a child in our house will pass up a food, then see a sibling try it & asks for it to be passed to them. Not always, but peer example is a very powerful thing! Use it in your favor!8) I have found that with kids, sometimes seeing the 'whole' food (instead of just a blob on their plate - what IS that??) helps them to know what a food is & can make it more desirable. Think about it, if you went to another culture & someone put a blob of who knows what on your plate, are you going to be excited to eat it?? As an adult, you could probably be polite enough & eat it, but think how much better it would be if you could see the whole food & know what you're eating.

Even my 2-year old wants to serve herself, & she does a fine job of it! She eats the least of anyone & is quite petite, but she is growing just as she should. I have noticed that my kids are relaxed at meal times, I am relaxed too, & they make good food choices most of the time. Some days they're hungrier than others, & they listen to their bodies' cues to stop eating. One thing we want to be really careful of is causing our children to ignore their hunger cues & eat something because, if they don't, they don't get dessert (or something like that). Think about it: are you causing your child to overeat twice, once to finish their dinner so that they get dessert, & then again to eat the dessert? In our house, all of our meals are individual: what that means is that even if you didn't finish your dinner, you won't see it again (this is not a big issue for us since the kids are serving themselves & take food according to how hungry they are). It won't reappear at breakfast.:) And if we have dessert, it is usually later, as a snack. I try really hard not to use food as a reward/punishment. I want my kids to have healthy attitudes about food (let's face it, we all know plenty of people with food issues!), have healthy attitudes about their bodies, & to trust themselves to make the right choices.

Now, about snacks: I use snacks as a way to fill in some of the gaps in nutrition. For instance, we eat dinner kind of late due to Erik's work schedule, so my kids have an afternoon snack. Many times this will only be a fruit or veggies. Sometimes they are more likely to eat those if they're the only option!:) If dinner is going to be more than an hour or 2 out, then I will give them a bit more. But snacks, done right, can be a gap filler. Kids have small tummies & need to fill them often.
I hope that is helpful! It's been really a fun piece to our meal time. Yes, there are more dishes to wash at the end of the meal, there are more 'spills' as the kids dish things up, but I can deal with that in the short term to get the good end result.

If you want more information on feeding, 2 books that I LOVE are: "Child of Mine: Feeding with Love & Good Sense," & "How to get your child to eat but not too much" both by Ellyn Satter & both are available at the library (I also have both books if you would like to borrow them). As Ellyn states, this is the division of responsiblity: Parents are responsible for what & how the food is presented, children are responsible for how much (if any) is eaten.